U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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