YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
