Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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