he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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