'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
