remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
