Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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