I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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