I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
