How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
