tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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