The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
