My hand turned me down
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we're making bets on your personal life
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
