You're so nebulous sometimes
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
