So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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