why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When did angry sex become our thing?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize