I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
