I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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