if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
thus making me awesome and them whores
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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