I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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