I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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