this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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