He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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