I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
