As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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