May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize