you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
