is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
