you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
