Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
