Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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