Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
