I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
