I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize