Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize