i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
