benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
