you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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