we have officially lost it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
why do cheetos always look like penises
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize