Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
