Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize