I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
