it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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