Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
