That's when you crack a 10am beer
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
