Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.

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(239): View more from Florida

I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?

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(816): View more from Missouri

She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?

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(575): View more from New Mexico

We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids

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(845): View more from New York

I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass

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(631): View more from New York

I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Longest 30 seconds of my life

(306): View more from Saskatchewan

10/10 so not recommended

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