Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
