what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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