It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
