Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
