I got chris browned last night
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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