And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
