The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
