I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
