i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
