If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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