tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
