well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
