I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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