The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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