Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
