So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
