My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
