This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
