new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
